Overheard a conversation at work today: would you date your best friend (of the opposite sex)?
Been there, done that, got burned as well as the t-shirt. Would I do it again? Sure, if it was the right person and the right situation. I understand there is a distinction in my following comparison, but in what good, serious, long-term relationship does the person who becomes your significant other not also become your best friend? If your relationship fails, do you not also risk losing an important friendship, or are significant others simply more replaceable?
The notion that they are is a social construct resulting from the self-help need to move on from relationships that are (for the most part) non-concurrent, higher intensity/risk, and thus more frangible. Platonic relationships last longer (apparently synonomous with being more valuable) because you don't push them as hard; an imperfect friend does not need to be replaced or molded into your ideal because you can have more than one to satisfy your friendship needs.
Another archaic notion is the rule against dating friends' exes. I'm not advocating being a bastard here -- you better be certain the benefit realistically and tangibly outweighs the potential harm to your friend -- but it's immature for people to treat others as property, as well as somewhat hypocritical should they decide to move on before their own exes has gotten over them. Past relationships belong in the past.
Over eight years ago, I hid my feelings from a girl I really liked and
continued to like for four years, all because I had become
friends with her eventual ex. In hindsight, it was probably for the
best, but I spent every moment regretting it and comparing every girl I met to her. Instead, I should have been upfront with my friend. Honesty may not heal his wounds, but it has to be enough. If a friendship is worth having, sacrifice shouldn't rest completely with one party.
Not saying I wouldn't be all sorts of frustrated if a friend decided to pursue someone I still felt for, but if we weren't working out, and if they were truly good for each other, who am I to not only wish but demand they find their happiness somewhere else? We all eventually move on; might as well make the best of it, or allow our friends to.
I remain truly yours,
.taintedwine
Comments (3)
very enlightening
i know right haha